Becoming a Non-Anxious Presence: A Journey from Worry to Peace - By Lawrence
Recently, I’ve been reading a leadership book called A Failure of Nerve by Edwin Friedman.
In it, he proposes a radical idea that shook me: in an anxious world, what is most needed are not smarter leaders or more skilled leaders, but non-anxious leaders.
I’ll be honest with you, that phrase hit hard. Because if I am truly transparent, I am not naturally a non-anxious person. In fact, for most of my life, I have carried a quiet, constant hum of anxiety.
Today, I want to share a bit of my personal journey and a powerful lesson I’m learning about finding stability in a chaotic world.
The Roots of Anxiety
Much of my struggle goes back to my childhood. I grew up in a home where we loved one another deeply, but emotions were often kept quiet and unspoken.
My dad was a long-time smoker (by the grace of God, he quit many years ago), and for years, I carried a silent worry for his health that I didn't know how to voice. My mum worked really hard to keep us afloat, only to eventually fall ill and go home with the Lord 10 years ago. That left a mark on me.
Even after healing came to our family by God’s grace, that feeling that "something might go wrong at any moment" stayed with me. It followed me into adulthood, tightening my chest whenever I had to perform or lead.
Head Knowledge vs. Heart Knowledge
For a long time, I was confused. I knew my Bible. I knew the verses about peace. But there is a vast difference between Biblical Studies (knowing the text, history, and rules) and Theology (knowing God’s heart).
Real peace doesn't come from just knowing the Word of God; it comes from knowing the God of the Word. It is moving from memorizing scripture to actually living out a "non-anxious presence".
Are You a Thermometer or a Thermostat?
Friedman uses a brilliant metaphor that I think applies to all of us—whether we are parents, teachers, business owners, or friends. We are either Thermometers or Thermostats.
- A Thermometer simply reflects the temperature of the environment. If the room is hot and anxious, the thermometer goes up.
- A Thermostat doesn't reflect the temperature; it sets the temperature.
We see this in the story of David and Goliath. King Saul was a thermometer; he was vibrating with fear because the army was afraid. But David was a thermostat. He refused Saul's heavy armor (the "quick fix") because he had internal stability. He knew where the world's fear ended and his faith began.
My "Office with God"
So, how do we become thermostats in a stressful world? We can't just "willpower" our anxiety away. We have to look at the ultimate non-anxious leader: Jesus.
Jesus practiced detachment, silence and solitude. He didn't work for an identity; He rested in His identity as a Son.
To practice this, I’ve started a habit I call my "8-to-9 AM Office with God". Before I face the world, the emails, or the demands of the day, I spend one hour in silence and solitude.
- I breathe out the performance anxiety.
- I detach from the fear of the future.
- I remind myself that I am not working for my identity; I am working from my identity.
This also forms the Retreat (to a quiet place), Reframe (renewal of mind) and Return (to the world) practice.
Be the Immune System
Friedman suggests that a leader’s presence acts like an "immune system" for the people around them.
When you stay calm, when you stay connected to God, and when you refuse to react to the chaos, you actually bring health to your family, your classroom, or your workplace.
As we move forward this year, my prayer for you is that you wouldn't just be reactive "thermometers" to the stress around you. Instead, may you find that quiet place of stability. May you be the non-anxious presence your loved ones need.
Blessings,
Lawrence
If you are looking for a community or service that cares about your peace as much as your smile, we are here for you at The Blessed Smiles.